By J. Mason
Online Career Tips Editor
While at work most of us are expected to be professional, and to show a certain sense of decorum while we’re around our coworkers. Even if your life is violently circling around you like a tornado the standards of courtesy and professional manners are still there. How should you handle yourself when you lose a friend? Some might resort to projecting their stress, grief, or frustration out on a coworker or friend, but that’s how you create enemies. Everybody processes grief differently, but at work there are ways to manage it without losing it.
Just recently I lost a friend. Her death was sudden and unexpected, and I found out about it on the way into work. Stunned is the best word that comes to mind for how I felt upon receiving the news. When I arrived at work that morning I powered up my computer like normal and got to work. From time to time I would stop to look at her pictures on Facebook, and then I would talk to a friend at work here and there. That first day was rough, and I would not have made it through by sitting at home wallowing. My methods of coping may be far different from others, but for many it seems to work when you’re trying to focus on something, anything else than the sad matter at hand.
Keep Your Mind Busy
This is a very common piece of advice. If your mind is busy working on a report, or writing an article it’s less likely to dwell on the thing you’re grieving over. It has proven time and again to have some success. It is too easy to start thinking about time you may have missed out on, or fun times you shared, and then you’re back to crying or being sad. Worse, you could be snappy at a coworker. Giving yourself a goal to reach for that day can also be helpful in staying productive while at work.
Create a Short Task List
I created one for myself in a meeting yesterday. A short list of six items with a turnaround time of that day. This certainly will keep you busy, but it will also move your work forward. An easy way to snap at someone through your grief is from pressure. If there’s pressure to get a task done then there’s no doubt that someone will be following up with you. Beat them to it by completing it early, or at least give them a status report so they don’t unnecessarily micromanage you.
Tell Your Boss
Whether it’s through email, a phone call, or in person make sure you tell them what is going on. Consider it a professional courtesy. You can specifically say “you’re fine” so they don’t nag you about it, but at least they have an understanding that you may have down times throughout the next couple of weeks. The more understanding managers will tell you to take some time off, and it might even be a good idea to do just that. There is leave you can take through your company benefits as well.
Talk to Someone
I only told a few people I work with about what happened. I kept the group small since I knew they would be discreet about it, but the cat is out of the bag now! For some, professional counseling might be in order, and others it may be helpful to have a few work friends around to talk to when you feel down. Your work allies can be great for motivating you when the grief hits hardest, and don’t underestimate the power of a good joke. It’s OK to have someone feel a little bad for you, it is possible that you may need to return the sentiment one day. Having that support system among colleagues is more important than you may realize.
Take Time Off
Even if you only have a few hours banked to take time off make sure you do it. When the work starts to pile up that can only result in a stressful conclusion. Get to a good stopping point and take a few hours off for yourself. Watch a movie, preferably a funny one, or go and get a coffee and read a good book. I find that solitary activities sometimes work best when you’re grieving and stressed from work. Indulging in a night out may leave you more remorseful, and will leave a dent in your wallet.
At the end of the day the grieving process isn’t resolved overnight. Take some time for yourself to heal. If you feel that ball of anger bubbling up don’t suppress it, but don’t project it onto an innocent coworker either. Try to talk before you get to that point, or head out of work for a breath of fresh air. If you’re in the middle of coping with a loss right now my heart goes out to you. Keep your head up and just remember the good times.
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